Semper Fidelis

ii am just a tad bit scarred right now simply because we got a bucket full of new females today. this is not usually a problem because ii am graduating shortly so ii wont be looking at them too much longer. however…for the past month ii have had a room all to my lovely self and ii am loving my space. there are two empty rooms that they cann very well move in to but knowing the wonderful staff here ii will have roommates by tomorrow evening. ii have tried to put a bug in someones ear because ii am cool with the s4 so hopefully things go my way and ii wont have to deal with a roommate…jesus please.

ii am happy today as well…. it was a relatively easy day but what made me especially happy os the fact that ii got to talk to some people that ii havent talked to in a while. ii had a bitter taste in my mouth about them for a while but now im tasting a lil bit of sweet. this is good for me…very good lol.

going to get an mri tomorrow to see if they see anything different than the usual nothing. its annoying but im doing what ii can to get results even tho ii am officially convinced that the medical here is not going to do anything but get me outta here and on to the next doctor to take the same tests over again. oh well….welcome to the wonderful world of medical. lol.

goodnite all…keep praying

laying beside you
thoughts of her
holding you hostage
your face glows
but your eyes look lost
cause you want to be
back to the place
you spent your last night
skin tingles
the after effect of pure bliss
heart rate still at an all time high
legs still quiver and shake
at the mere thought
of heaven on earth
you look at me
“can we go back to that place??”
“travel back in time”
no, my dear
the memories will last a lifetime
every time you look at my lips
you are reminded of how well
they capture pleasure at its peak
and toss you over into bliss
every time you look at my legs
youll think about
how they locked around you
leaving you trapped
in euphoric exstacy
every time you look at my smile
youll remember that
you placed it perfectly on my face
and every time you see her
youll remember that she wasn’t there
last night

Posted on: June 20, 2008

jumping over hurdles
like im playing double dutch
got muh top chix behind me
so ii dont ask for much
the only time ii close my eyes
is to sleep and to pray
so my eyes wide open
looking for a better day
staring at the reflective glass
and ii like what ii see
my future outshines my present
but theres still more than one me
ii got two eyes
to get a better view
but im writing two ii’s
just for you
and ii know right now
it sounds quite ubsurd
but in ten minutes
ask ya ears what they heard
ii said im writing two ii’s
especially for you
cause theres the ‘I’ that im gonna be
and the ‘I’ that made it thru
and if u looking thru ya eyes
you aint got a clear view
and im pretty sure you wanna see distinctively
whatever path you chose
you looking at my shoes
but yet ya own strings are untied
and if you looking to me so hard
ii must be your guide
so watch me carefully
im jumping over all this shit
and if you in my backdrop
ii suggest you move quick
right now im loving weezy
and the words that he spit
so two words you never hear from me
TAE QUIT!!
even in a crowded area
your presence speaks silent demands
your confidence is felt
and there’s integrity in the way you stand
your hands gently behind your back
feet shoulder width apart
your eyes full of desire command attention
before the conversation even starts
when dressed in the ensemble
your entire demeanor is changed
as if each layer of clothing
wont allow you to stay the same
and unlike most who wear the badge
you never lose your self
the same man, the same demand
even when theres no attire left
its in the way you interact
and the authority that you possess
but also the way that you remain humble
even tho you are the best
fathers everywhere
want there sons to be like you
and want their daughters to wed you
because you, my dear
are one among the few
capable of deception
of the very worst kind
too much of a coward
to stab me in the front
so life takes me from behind
and like a virgin i bleed
but my soul has been scared
walking on uneven streets
faith wont take me very far
a pool of pain
growing within
and i drown in that sea
turned on by my only friend
yes, i have the power to decieve me
hurt has me addicted
for what are days without pain
and unless we go thru losing
in the end we never gain
deception of the worst kind
comes thru like gusts of wind
you can never see it
but it tears at precious skin
i smile in the face of adversity
and turn my back to things worth while
yet i still hold onto the lies of life
i am the truth’s unwanted child
wrapped up in a system
not busy enough to care
taking what i can get from others
like a single mother on welfare
and these cries are what i birth
and what i carry in my womb
these same cries that die
when i begin to push too soon
deception is no coward
it battles with force and might
but until the very death of me
im gonna stand my ground and fight
ii hear you got a dime
yup thats me
but you’re friends
with the main supplier
so you got me for free
pen hits paper
yup we burning trees
this shit right here
got me on a lyrical high
eyes blood shot
from looking love in the eye
you could say im addicted
cause without you i die
but if you take me
and those same trees
roll us together
so love~ly
inhale the drug
thats leading you blindly
but hold it in as long as possible
for without me you dont breathe
not quite the same
as waiting to exhale
these feigns so caught up in the wrapper
that they L’s turn stale
dont confuse wrapper with rapture
cause the rapture is love
and the main supplier
is the Man up above
and He dont mind
if we get accustomed to this drug
He wrote the lyrics down
before there was an us
ii heard you got a dime
yup thats me…
but ii been paid for already
so you can smoke me for free

with the tears that ii shed
with the blood that ii poured
it seeps thru the cracks
my love has been tainted
corrupted
and left in disarray
how dare ii care
after you lay upon me your griefs
night after night
my heart is no longer open
your name erased
no more tears on my face
only corrupted wishes
tainted thoughts
stolen hearts
the tight grip
that i once possesed
has been loosened
you are free
to go on into ur world
of deception and lies
i pray you meet your demise
and nothing in my heart grieves
no hurt can i feel
only heightened agression
in the pit of my heart
and i hate it
i hate you.
for the damage that you caused
for the tears that u cried
for cursing me when i questioned it
aint shit real in ur world
not even the air that you breathe
so in the end
the illusion is me
a wounded heart
thats what i offer you
take its remains
cause i no longer want
somethin so tainted
your handprints have left filth
that i wouldnt even dare sit
before the face of God
here are my tears
and in each stream
is the love i once had
a love never shared
and left, is a heartless bitch
full of hate….oh look
we’re finally the same…

September 2016
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What I Write About

This Bible Verse Caught My Attention

Philippians 4:12:: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I've Been Hit

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Life Lessons By Carrie Underwood

There's some things that I regret, Some words I wish had gone unsaid, Some starts, That had some bitter endings, Been some bad times I've been through, Damage I cannot undo, Some things, I wish I could do all all over again, But it don't really matter, Life gets that much harder, It makes you that much stronger, Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were, Lessons learned. [Chorus:] And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned. There's mistakes that I have made, Some chances I just threw away, Some roads, I never should've taken, Been some signs I didn't see, Hearts that I hurt needlessly, Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend, But it don't make no difference, The past can't be rewritten, You get the life you're given, Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were, Lessons learned. [Chorus:] And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned. And all the things that break you, Are all the things that make you strong, You can't change the past, Cause it's gone, And you just gotta move on, Because it's all, Lessons learned. [Chorus:] And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned, Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned, Lessons learned.