foreign language

you look into my eyes

from across the room

and the corners of your mouth

reach toward heaven

as if to thank God personally

for sending me to you

your hands linger

in the small of back

when we embrace

and your heart beat tells me

thats where you want me to stay

and with those same hands

you grip her hips

as if lifting her out of your path

but your body language

she doesn’t understand

you stare at her feet

as if hoping that she would walkaway

you whisper into her ear

hoping that she might hear

the faint goodbye

that lingers in between your “I love You’s”

and there I stand

across the room

reciting your room number

and counting down the seconds

until she walks out of our sacred space

you look at me from across the room

and the corners of your mouth reach up towards heaven

you kiss her lips

as if to say

“I’ll never leave”

and I still cant see

that your body language is only foreign to me

thirty two

a year ago today

thirty two were slain

thirty two families

grieving and hurt

thirty two students

buried beneath the dirt

thirty two friends

leaving loved ones hurt

and one man behind it all

some have forgotten

too many have moved on

but thirty two parents

are still remembering

thirty two teachers are still empty

thirty two smiles are missing

and one man behind it all

so one year later

lets take thirty two seconds

one for each victim

thirty two seconds

to remember the many

thirty two seconds to acknowledge

the ones that remain

lets take thirty two seconds

to remember V. Tech

a blank page

ii walk past mirrors

as if my reflection doesnt exist

and for some reason

i hang my head in shame

but why??

someone tell me who ii am right now

because all there is to me

is a simple blank page

and every single day

they scribble on my soul

like little kids at play

but Someone erases the markings

before they can be seen

and piece by piece

they erase pieces of me

you see, it wasnt the scribbling

on my soul

that made me any less whole

but it was the erasing that left me

at an ultimate low

erased

are the portraits

of daddy’s little girl

erased

is the mother

that at some point meant the world

erased

is the fetus that said goodbye

before its life ever begun

he must’ve known

that he didn’t want to grow

being this abandoned daughter’s

only son

erased

are the dreams that lie on my pillow top

after unpeaceful nights of rest

erased

are the screams

that have scarred my tonsils

and seperated me from the rest

erased

are the promises of God

that said your latter will be greater

because from my point of view

there aint too much hope in “ten-years-later”

erased

are the smiles

that they drew

across the part of my heart that was plain

no more are the finger prints and smudges

that gave me a story to tell

and so ii turn my face

when walking past

that refective glass

for ii know that

all thats left of me

is the sour after the sweet

because what they drew on my spirit

bringing color to my world

is the only thing that gave me

the innocence possesed by little gurls

and ii wish to be that way again

but here ii am

full of rage and hate

and the only One ii despise

is the One who took all the markings away

for now ii am nothing

but a blank page

ii wrote this as a joke to one of my friends

[[bull s**t niggaz]]

to the broke back

super wack

“oh she cute im tryna tap that”

to the no goals

todum poles

“ima let the good ones go”

the lying dumb

crutty bum

s**ht on the bottom of my right tennis shoe

scum

bag nigga

this is my ode to you

see, im a respectful female

so i give credit where it is due

you get credit

for screwing up

and screwing over

no credit for a good screw

cause the screw just wasnt

THAT good

you get credit

for being half azz mediocre

a dream choker

and more than anything

a sh*t disposer

i give you props

for not appreciating what you got

i commend you

for talking sh*t

not doing sh*t

and treating

every good chick

you ever had…like sh*t

you my friend, are a b**ch

a lying, cheating

two timing trick

because, see

too many times

in my short life time

i’ve seen you brucsh past

too many women of mine

im pulling your cards

and laying them on the table

you just from bed to bed

and house to house

always on the go

but when the female

you just cheated on does it to you

she’s automitcally named a hoe

but truth is

a hoe is the closest thing to a wife

that you will ever know

i understand

some of you fake like a man

act like your better

and attempt to start a fam

but even then the prob is bigger

because your probably out

screwing someone else’s nigga

so this right here

is my ode to you

you get a hand clap

a pat on the back

a foot up your ass

and a shoe upside you head

i am ammused, really i am

and i would actually laugh

if this sh*t was funny

but too many times

Good women

get played like dummies

bottom line is

nigga, you crutty

and i wouldnt exactly mind

if you would stick with the chicks

that are axactly like your kind

you know, the bisches out there

that dont got two cents

two and a half kids

and unemployment

but you chose

to ruin the best of the best

the chicks that’ll do what they gotta do

and say fuck the rest

you test the wifing type

the kinda chick by ya side

for the rest of ya life

its all good tho

cause i still commend you

you screw up

and screw over

lie, cheat

aint bout shit

always in shit

dont bring nothing but bull sh*t

always suckin ya own d**k

on that “im too flyy for this b*tch” shit 

you might can screw over a spineless bisch

and you may can even blindfold

one of your dumb azz tricks

but you will never get the best

of a good azz chick

so i cant give you credit for that

you bull shit nigga

ii wrote the poem about this pic…

coming together
falling apart
you stand in line
as if tomorrow
already has your name on it
begging the future
to become yours
you stand
hands raised
and who shall be noticed first??
if this is a race
who is going to win
because we all know
that someone must lose
and you all sit amused?
why?
two dollars signs stand side by side
more money more problems
thats the opposite of a lie
CPR required
to keep this world we live in alive
humble volunteers
hands pointed towards the sky
coming together
and still seperated at the seams
so go on and stand boldly
for we have already rested
our cares upon your laps
our hopes are sitting high
and the race was won
at four pm on channel twenty one

::untitled::

nothing more than actors on a stage

and this is our intermission

waiting for the ending

and so we hold onto the beginning

love is our most underused prop

all else we have forgot

i remain on this platform

unstable ground that i fall on

lines quickly erased from my memory

and the persons beside me

soon remove themselves from the set

thousands look on

waiting to see what comes next

but the ending is so far from here

what was once a two person love story

has too quickly become

a one woman stage play

one woman whose tragedy

has not defeated her

one woman whose lonely nights

have not ruined her heart

one woman whose fight for her future

has not left her soul scarred

one woman

whose dramatic ending

lies in the hands of one man…

if only these two actors

were in the same play

and shared the same stage

what do we do??

what do we do

when all of our schools

are more dangerous than the communities

that our children walk thru

we want higher education

but how many will be gunned down

before the graduation??

what do you do

when you cant walk into a classroom

without security surrounding you

when cries substitute laughter

ya 4.0 gpa wont matter

and your credentials soon shatter

so i propose a serious question

what the hell do we do??

your words got me addicted

from the beginning
words got me addicted
and rehab is not an option
cause i am more than willing
to fall in love again
not just with the words that flow
but from the hands
that grip vessels
tainted with black ink
-internally-
with the lips
that spit pleasure
in more than one way
-so passionately-,
willing to fall in love
with the mind
that is exactly like mines,
i am addicted
place me in your rehabs
and your treatment wont last
because words are the drug i need
and i never imagined
this could feel so good,
my infatuation has grown.
so feed me your guilty pleasures
intoxicating measures
and leave me spellbound
your words got me addicted
and im too far gone now

once again

over and over again

i try to convince myself

that you are still the person

that i have grown to love

but now emerging

is the one person in this world

that i have always hated

what more can i do?

what more can i give?

who can stop you from

this self destruction

and who can undo

the damage that you have done

only you can make a change

that starts internally

only you can stand up

and take complete responsibility

look at the hearts

that your recklessness

has broken

one time too many

and tell me if I dont have a reason

to walk away from the person

that you have become

…yet again

::untitled::

behavior that stretches negativity

in so many ways

merging has began

souls cry out in helpless agony

and Satan laughs at bitter cries

what is the cost

you become your enemy

and what do you gain?

deception seeps from your pores,

tainted flesh

that is too dark to be smudged

you cant even see your own death

when your reflection stands at your toes

do you sell your souls

in order to silence the agony in your heart??

faith rips our minds and our hearts apart

and in seperate directions

we proceed

me to heaven

and you to your own personal hell

antics drive you crazy

and sleepless nights are the result

lost dreams can no longer be caught

for hope is too far from your reach

and yet i stand clinging to you like a leech

attemptin to salvage

a small portion of your salvation

but left only in desolation

alone i stand

looking from the outside in

contemplating

where do i venture to

and where do i go from here

cause my own betrayal

is the only thing that i fear

and if I become like them

well…who will save them then?

behavior stretches in so many ways

covering up the guilt

from what was once a beautiful face

but left is the evidence

smeared mascara

leading Jesus..

 to…

her

…heart